While sitting across the dinner table from my fiancé Jerry the other night, I was feeling really emotional. I told him I had some things I wanted to say and that I didn’t want him to fix them… I just needed him to listen.

After I assured him the things I wanted to say had nothing to do with us, I watched him relax in his seat and fix his eyes on me to listen.

“I have changed.”

I have changed so much and in my changing I am looking around… and behind as we often do, and I am beginning to see that there are things in my life that no longer serve me.

So my question to him and to myself that night was this… “How do you know when to let go of the things that no longer serve you?”

As soon as I started to ponder this thought, I saw a quote posted by my niece, Randi Mae, on her Instagram account.

“People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you’ll know exactly what to do.” –unknown

I have heard this before but it struck a different cord in me this time upon hearing it. I now understand, it’s not just people who come into our lives that impact us but also our activities and ways of being.

It seems I am outgrowing myself.

Things that use to comfort me, cradle me, support me, are no longer apart of my life. They no longer hold my attention and that was saddening me.

Friendships that carried me through some tough times have been fading. Activities that use to waken my spirit, are turning into routine. I wish that is was different but it is me that has changed.

I would not be here without those friendships that saved me. My mind and spirit is stronger for the workouts and snowboard trips that helped to distract me. The triathlons and Crossfit competitions that helped build my confidence, my eyes well up with gratitude, thank you.

Although I am finding these things less and less in my life, I now realize that it was what I needed at that time to get me through. I was in survival mode. I couldn’t stand to be alone with my thoughts and ever-changing world. It was filled with a lot of pain and sadness at the time.

I miss those activities and those friendships.

I now find when I try to relive them the way I use to; they just fall flat. They don’t give me the same joy. There are new activities filling that space and new people taking their place.

I am learning now to look back and appreciate what they did for me, without looking back and wishing I was still doing what I use to or hanging out with those friends.

It will not be until I fully let them go that I can embrace all the new that is coming my way.

We only know what we leave behind because it is often hard to see what lies ahead. Yet, we will not know what is ahead, until it is in our hands, in our grasps but we must first let go of what no longer serves us.

We must let go first, in order to receive.

It does not work the other way! To often we want to make an exchange, to make sure that what we are going to get is better than what we have, ha! It does not work that way. We must first give up what we have, in order to see what is next.

To answer my question.

I will know it is time to move forward when the pull to see what’s ahead, is stronger than the pull that calls me to look behind and remember. As always, we must follow our hearts, we always know when it is time to move on… it is simply the past getting caught in our feet that is slowing us down.

Write back soon, love Annie.

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