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“My name is Jesus.”

“Jesus, I’m Annie, I am not going to fight you all night so let’s shake hands and be friends.”

Let me set the stage for you. Saturday, February 6, 2016; Mardi Gras, the Endymion Ball, in the New Orleans Superdome.  The excitement, the crowd, the biggest party I have ever been to. My sister Theresa and I were there to watch my boyfriend Jerry ride in the parade. All the women were dressed in ball gowns, while the men were in black-tie attire.

The Endymion Parade begins at City Park, it then rolls its way through the city of New Orleans before it makes its final stop at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome. The parade has 80 floats and 3100 riders that participate. Once inside the Superdome, some 20,000 people stand behind barricades with their hands held high to be showered with beads and Endymion memorabilia. It is quite the site to see so many adults hooting and hollering just to catch some glow sticks and beads that are being thrown from the floats.

It was my second year attending the ball and Jerry was kind enough to have flown my sister down to join me. This way I would have her company while he was out riding in the parade. Seeing that it was not my first rodeo, I knew exactly where Theresa and I should stand to catch the most beads and have a good view of Jerry when he arrived at the stadium.

Once the barricades were pulled and the crowd pushed from behind, I found myself along with my sister squashed against the gate. After the first surge of pushing, the crowd seemed to relax and everyone was allowed a little breathing room. Well, except for me.  There was a girl on my left that was holding this constant pressure on my side, as if she was trying to push me away from the front line. With every bit of pressure she applied, I pushed back equally as hard.

Two woman in ball gowns, we should have been wearing boxing gloves instead. I could hear her announcing to her friend that this white trash girl, that would be me, was pushing her and she was going to “fight” me in a minute. I could feel the rage boil up in me as I told my sister what she was saying. Knowing I probably shouldn’t light the fire in my sister, I did anyway, and she reacted as any protecting older sister would do.

“Then push back.” Theresa announced as she gave me a heave with her hips, sending my sparing partner back over into her corner.

The look of surprise on her face was priceless, as you can image. Here I was this 5 foot 1, 100-pound nothing girl shoving her aside. The moment I saw her face; I was snapped back into the reality of the situation.

I believe that everyone has a story, and sometimes the angrier the person is, the more likely they are in pain. I didn’t even know who I was being in that moment, but something in this girl was spiking the fighter in me. I didn’t want to be that person. I mean, I’m Anniegrateful!

I quickly reached over and tapped on her shoulder. Not to my surprise, she gave me her back and completely ignored me. With much persistence I poked her again, “Hey you, what’s your name?”

“Jesus.” She snorted, tossing the words over her shoulder.

“Hey Jesus, I’m Annie and I am not going to fight you all night,” I reached out and shook her hand. “We are all here to have a good time and I just want you to know I am not going to fight you anymore.” I put out my fist and encouraged her to give me a fist bump. “Cheers to standing your ground, I can appreciate someone who is stubborn and stands firm. I am the same way, but let us know when it’s time to stand down and not ruin a good time.”

Her guards fall down, she returns my fist bump and smiles, “I am not usually a mean girl, I have just been through a lot lately.” As the smile fades from her face she begins to explain, “I recently left my boyfriend and we have a young child together.” She opens her phone and shares her baby boy’s picture with me.

She goes on to tell me that her ex-boyfriend is an alcoholic and has been abusing prescription medications. Apparently, his family has been enabling him and is not supporting her decision to leave. They have been very difficult to deal with and they have been calling her “white trash” (notice the irony.)  She told me that it was a hard decision to leave him, but she had to do what was best for her and her child. She just wished she had a little more support.

Her story was all to familiar to me, I dealt with the same thing when I was in my young twenties. Except I didn’t have a child with my ex. As we talked I couldn’t help but want to help her and let her know she was doing the right thing, even though it was hard. It was like in that moment, with all the loud music and flashing lights of distraction, I was standing next to my younger self in that stadium and I was giving her the advice I would have wanted someone to give me.

Flicker

That confrontation could have gone a hundred different ways and most of them would have been ugly. It is only because I was able to step outside of myself and realize it was foolish to be acting that way, that I was able to break that circle of pain. If I had just chalked her up as some “Angry Chick,” I would have missed out on the opportunity to make a friend in that moment. Who knows, perhaps something I said actually helped her, instead of only causing her more unnecessary pain.

I know we have all heard it before. That what aggravates us in others, is only what aggravates us in ourselves. That something can not truly impact us, unless it also lives within us. That each person we encounter in this life reflects back what we see in ourselves. I believe it is true. I am stubborn and a fighter too. I will stand my ground for what I believe in. I don’t always like to bend, but I am learning with life, that what does not bend, will break.

I also learned from “Jesus,” who by the way did give me her real name shortly after, that we are all hurting a little bit in our own way. That 90% of the mean that people are deflecting has nothing at all to do with us, it is their own shit. We should learn not to take things so personally. I am not saying that we should stand around and get hit in the face by people who can not control their own anger and emotions, by all means get the heck out of their way. Just do not react to them or give them fuel for their fire.

Let us look at them with compassion the same way we would expect someone to do to with us when we are hurting. The world is cruel enough. We fight ourselves everyday in our own minds, let’s not also fight each other. Every interaction that we have in this life is an opportunity to bring light to those around us, or not.

I am glad I had the opportunity to literally bump into “Jesus” this weekend. She reminded me of myself. She reminded me to be kinder to myself, to stop fighting myself and the world around me. We really are all fighting some kind of battle. Some of us greater than others, but all of our struggles are equally the same in our own eyes. Let us always choose kindness, and forgive ourselves for the moments when we do not. There will always be opportunities for us to redeem ourselves.

Thank you Jesus, where ever you are. It was a pleasure meeting you. Stay strong, stay true to yourself and above all, stand your ground for what you believe in. You’ll be fine my friend! May we never meet again, I am glad I will always be able to say, I met Jesus. I wish you the best.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” ~Ian Maclaren

Write back soon, Love Annie