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I know my greatest suffering is always linked to my non-acceptance of what is so. No matter what it may be. Could be as simple as the traffic jam that is going to make me late or as complex as the diagnosis of my mother’s terminal cancer, 5 years ago.

“It is what it is.”

How many times have we heard that saying in our lives? To many, but we often don’t accept that saying either. We think we could have done something different. That “this” couldn’t possibly be happening to us… How can “this” be?

Yet, what if we could change our perception of the situation, along with our attitude about the situation. What if, instead of looking for reasons why we are experiencing this suffering, we could choose to see the suffering in a new light and change the way we felt about it. What if this suffering was not suffering at all, but suffering only because we chose to suffer.

Let us use the loss of my mother as an example, death. If I can show you how I have changed the perception of my mother’s death, it will be easier for you to change your perception of the traffic jam that’s making you late for work, or perhaps a death in your life.

At first I saw my mother’s diagnosis as a death sentence, to me. How could I lose my mother this way? It wasn’t fair! She was supposed to live a long life, to see the birth of my children! Who was going to talk to me on my ride home from work? How was she going to get through this? What would happen to my father? Why did she have to suffer?!

I watched her suffer, physically. She survived only 15 months after her diagnosis. I wish it had been 12 because the last three were awful… for her and everyone else that watched her wither away. I was only 30. No one that young should have to bury their mother.

I wanted to raise my fists to the sky and shake them at ‘the man’ who gave her life, the creator of all things. I wanted to curse him and I did. I suffered long after she passed and I still do at times, physically but no longer emotionally. My physical body misses her touch but I do not suffer emotionally for her because I have found acceptance and I have changed my perception of her death.

I no longer look to her death as a loss but a blessing. I focus on her life and no longer her suffering. I have changed the perception of my mothers dying and because of that, I no longer carry the burden of her untimely death.

Instead of no one at 30 should bury their mother, I say I was graced by her presence for 30 years. Some have lost their mother even younger than I and some have never even had the chance to meet their mothers.

Instead of she “should” of lived to see the birth of my children, I say I am grateful she was able to knit me a blankie for them before she passed. That she has instilled in me all I’ll ever need to know to be a good mother and I look forward to the day I can honor her by being one.

My mother’s death and late suffering was not in vain. She made more people smile while she laid in that hospital bed than most do on a regular basis. She brought my sister and I closer together as we cared for her at her bed side. My sister has now taken on the role of my mother because she is the one who talks to me on my ride home and now she will be the first to rock my babies when they are born.

My mother encouraged me to write at a young age and because of that, I have journaled my entire life. Now with great confidence I am able to share my words with you. I may only impact one person with just one blog but it will because of my mother that that person’s life is better. By living my life in purpose, I will be honoring her life.

My suffering has ended because I have changed my perception. My mother is still gone, I still miss her presence but I no longer see her death as a loss, her life was one of my greatest gifts.

I do not lay in bed at night thinking of her death, I smile as I reflect on her life. I laugh out loud in silence when I think of her giggle and close my eyes and sigh when I think of her touch.

Our suffering is all in our perception. We need to choose wisely on how we perceive the sights and circumstances that unfold before our eyes. For life’s meaning is only what labels we give to it. Nothing in front of us means anything, until we say it is so.

Write back soon, love Annie.

Day 85 of 90 meditating, only 5 to go!

Is this an image of a beautiful woman or an old lady?… It is exactly what you say it is, it is what ever we tell our mind to see. See if you can change your perception, not just with this picture but with all things in life.