I have so much love pouring out of me right now it’s insane. I can’t explain it, it’s not for anything or anyone… I just feel “Love.” I know it is because I am changing my life. In the best way possible. I feel free.
It’s like I’ve woken up from a nightmare and I am now safe in my bed staring at the ceiling realizing that it has all just been a bad dream. Life. What I thought it was and what it’s all about.
It’s all an illusion!
I’ve literally flipped my life upside down in every-way possible. All the things I use to stress about and obsess over are all melting into the wind. The constant worry about money and providing. The nagging feeling of a constant state of “doing” and either killing time or wishing it away. It’s all gone.
Nothing really changed but me.
It’s like the mouse spinning itself silly on the wheel thinking that it’s getting somewhere. It wasn’t until I threw myself from that spinning wheel that I can see I’ve been wasting so much precious time just collecting and doing. I was never just being. Maybe in small moments at the gym, during a run, on vacation or snowboarding. I had a glimpse of what “being” felt like, but those were only fleeting moments.
We just get so conditioned to doing the same routine, it’s insane. We think we are what we do and what we have. We take on these identities and then practically kill ourselves to maintain them. What if we just kept evolving into something different and new? Experienced new ways of living by walking down new paths.
What if we lived like we were dying?
What would we do different? What relationships would we mend? What places would we visit? What journeys would we take? Who would we spend our precious moments with?
Would we really care about what “so and so” is wearing or what “what’s her name” said? Would those things still matter?
Would we still feel this need to stash away money in an account so we could retire when were older? For what? So our kids can fight over it?
We are all dying. Everyday is one less breath we will take on this earth.
You hear people say it all the time, “Life is short.”
Don’t just say it. Feel it! We need to wake up god dam-it! FEEL! We need to stop saying clichés just to hear ourselves talk. We need to feel them… Life is short! It is short, it’s precious and we need to stop wasting it being unhappy and inauthentic. Not just with the world but with ourselves. We need to do it for ourselves…
We walk around like little zombies repeating meaningless words and don’t even hear the replies of the people we are talking to. “Hey how are you?”… “I’m fine, you?”… Are we? Are we fine? Our poor minds are so cluttered with worry and stress we can barely hear ourselves think, let alone hear the people we are speaking to.
I am guilty of it too. All of us are, but we don’t have to continue to be and feel that way. Small steps at a time or huge giant leaps will get us there. With a little belief in ourselves and the world around us.
We are all here going through the same things. Some of us are better at hiding the stress and pain, while others are in complete denial.
Yet, there are the few of us who are the soul searchers and dream catchers. We know deep down that this is not the way it was meant to be! We feel it with every fiber of our being. That feeling will burn a hole right through us until we either allow it to break our spirit, like the caged bird who forgets he can fly or we allow it to free us. Instead of breaking us, it will break the chains and bars that hold us down.
If not now when? Some of you are not ready, I hope one day you are. I hope you reach down into that place that calls to you and you listen, because life is short.
You just have to ask yourself, in the end, “Where will my tombstone hang?” On the side of the cage, or in the sky where eagles fly?
Free yourself from the illusion.
Write back soon, love Annie.
Day 13 of 90 meditating.
So true!