Six months…

Six months since I retired from my career. Six months since I quit my job, use what ever phrase you want… six months ago I said, “No. I want more and I’m going out to find it.”

So I did, and six months later here I am.

Up until this morning, anyone who asked me, “What are you up to?” or “What is your plan?” I gave some free-spirited answer like, “I’m just enjoying life, taking a break, writing, coaching part-time and being stress free.” Followed by, “I’m not sure yet, I’ll worry about that in another year,” then smile.

I’ve actually been ashamed of myself. Often, what I want to reply is, I have no idea what I’m doing and I’m half scared out of my mind. I sometimes wonder if I made a mistake and I’m constantly wondering when me, Anniegrateful, is going to know what the hell she is doing with her life!!

But that’s all a lie.

The truth is, in my heart, I know. Of course I know. We always do, but it’s comes as a quiet whisper.

Once again I was afraid to listen and when I did I was afraid to share, because perhaps my purpose wasn’t good enough. It wasn’t what I thought it “should be,” and as I say that, I don’t even know who the hell it’s wasn’t good enough for… For me? For society? My friends or family?

My purpose is now, right now. As sure as these words hit this page, I am fulfilling it.

One is to start a life and family with the incredible man who has been by my side constantly cheering me on for the last two and a half years. Who truly loves me for all that I am, and quite possibly even more for who I am not.

At first, I was afraid that starting a family wasn’t good enough… Imagine? I thought that I should be going out and starting a new career, but maybe it’s not time for that new career… because now I have a partner who knows I can do it all on my own, but doesn’t want me to.

Two is to publish my book. I’ve been kicking it around for the past year editing and re-editing, procrastinating publishing it, for 1000 reasons I have lost count of. If it sells 1000 copies or 5 doesn’t matter because that book has a purpose and that is to share my story. If sharing it helps only one person, it’s purpose will have been served.

Three is to keep blogging. For me, and for who ever happens to come across these words because they are the truths that I need to hear. I hope they can also strike a chord in you, by seeing yourself in me. I make myself vulnerable so that maybe you can be vulnerable too.

Vulnerable to be honest with ourselves about the lies we tell ourselves, day in and day out. There’s a voice in your heart that needs to be heard but the voice in your mind is constantly drowning it out. I hope by reading my words, you can start hearing the whispers of your own heart.

Four is to be proud that my current job is a Crossfit coach! Yes, my paycheck is terrible. No, I don’t have benefits. Yes, I only work part-time and no that doesn’t make me a loser.

I make me the loser when I don’t act proud of what I do, of who I am and how I change people’s lives. Not only by being a coach, but by writing my blogs. By being a good friend, girlfriend and soon to be wife and hopefully mother.

That is what I am doing with my life and it’s exactly what I want to do with it.

I really do know what I’m doing and I’m proud of who I am being…

We all need to remember, to do what makes us feel successful in our hearts, not what the world labels as successful. If we just keep doing that, we won’t ever have to wonder again what our purpose in this life is.

Our purpose is simply to keep following our hearts…

Write back soon, love Annie.

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