There is a lot of talk about bullying theses days but the one bully that no one is speaking out against is ourselves.

Don’t be disappointed.

Perhaps you open this article with hopes that I was going to reveal the name of an institute, a religion or et-hem… a certain president. Although many of those examples can also be bullies, the underlining bully and quite possibly the biggest bully of all is– us.

It all starts with the voice in our head.

Negative self-talk.

We all do it but some of us can be pretty brutal to ourselves. We say things to and about ourselves that we would never tolerate from another person. The worst part of it all is, we believe it! Unfortunately, most of the time we do not even realize that we are doing it.

It’s just the constant chatter that we have grown accustomed to hearing. We are so comfortable with this negative chatter that we actually believe that voice is ours and it speaks the truth.

I am here today to stand up against this bully and remind each of us that we have a choice to listen to that voice or not.

Step one: Acknowledge that The Bully is there.

Once we can separate ourselves from the voice, The Bully, we can become better at noticing when it has something to say. In the beginning this step takes some practice. I often hear The Bully every time I would go out of my comfort zone.

It might be taking a new course on-line or trying to learn a new lift at the gym when The Bully would chime in.

“I’m not smart enough or I’m not good enough.”

It’s not always a loud voice. A lot of the times it’s a quiet whisper just trying to keep me small and out of sight. It tells me to give up, give in or don’t bother at all.

I also hear The Bully when I am looking at myself in the mirror.

It seems to find my every flaw. My skin is blotchy, more grey hair is coming in, my breasts are too small or my stomach could be flatter. The list of imperfections goes on when The Bully is speaking.

Step Two: Do not judge what The Bully has to say.

The moment we decide that what it has to say is good or bad, we are engaging it in conversation and this is definitely not someone we want to invite over for tea. All we need to do is become aware of when it’s speaking and then just observe what it has to say.

The best way to do that is by paying attention to our bodies and feelings.

Our bodies are incredible instruments for reading our thoughts. A quick example of this is just think of what happens to our bodies when we get scared, happy or angry. Our bodies react to our thoughts just like they react to real life situations.

When The Bully says things that make us feel bad about ourselves, our whole body feels it. Our shoulders slouch, our eyes gaze towards the floor. Perhaps we cross our arms or react in other ways that close us off from those around us. The more negative things The Bully has to say, the more it impacts our sleep, our eating habits and causes us to be less social.

We become so obsessed with what it has to say that before you know it, it’s the only voice we are listening to.

We begin to isolate ourselves from family, friends and society. Believing that they too share the same beliefs about us that The Bully does.

Depression can soon set in. Leaving us locked in the prison we have created and The Bully is our cell mate. He always is but it doesn’t have to be this way. This leads us to step three.

Step Three: Having acceptance and letting go.

This can sometimes be the hardest step but with time and patience, we will get better at it. Even if that means repeating this step several times a day. The Bully will always be there. The more we can accept that it is just a part of us that needs love, the easier it will be to let go of the things it has to say. No matter how awful or hateful it’s words are.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

Learning to love the darkness within ourselves may be the greatest gift we can give this world.

For those who love themselves are not capable of hurting others.

The world is full of enough bullies. Let us not be one of them, especially to ourselves. Perhaps if each of us could take on loving The Bully within, we would help contribute to a more loving world, with a lot less bullying.

Write back soon, Love Annie

Featured Image:Flickr/Daniela Brown